I was browsing the $2 movie bin at Walmart, looking for some low-brow, kitschy, arthouse film to shine some light on for this column—to make some noise for the little guy. As I was rummaging, I came across a DVD cover with what looked like Marilyn Monroe and a creepy, baby-faced fella staring menacingly at her. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the words on the cover were a bit perplexing, too. Just about the same size as what I assumed to be the title, “Citizen Kane,” were the words “It’s Terrific” and “Orson Welles.” Now, if I were an unknown filmmaker with a God complex, I, too, would make my name the same size as the title and tell everyone how terrific it was. It also seemed like he was trying to capitalize on the popularity of the “Citizen Kang” episode of The Simpsons. Whether or not he was hoping people would mistake his film for that masterpiece of an episode, this Orson guy was practically begging people to watch it, and I eventually acquiesced—it’s $2, who cares?

Well, I care now. How the hell aren’t people talking about this film? It was absolutely brilliant. The story starts with some old fart muttering “Rosebud” on his deathbed, and it quickly cuts to some coked-up white dudes shootin’ the shit, trying to figure out what “he” meant by “Rosebud,” “his” final words before kicking the bucket. This apocryphal “He” refers to the titular Citizen Kane (Charles Foster Kane): the capital “He” aptly fitting this Christ-like, omnipotent figure.

The now-deceased media mogul started an empire that reminds me a little bit of William Randolph Hearst. The parallels are actually striking! As the film progresses, we learn that Kane, as a child, was whisked away from his family while playing in the snow, wanting nothing more than to go sledding (born to sled, burdened with the drive and skills to beget a newspaper empire, they say). We eventually learn that Kane’s family’s land was on a literal gold mine, and after setting up a trust that Kane acquired access to in his mid-20s, he became a quite well-to-do chap.

The film tracks his ups and downs as the most influential man in America, finishing with his dejection upon being at the top. “It’s lonely at the top,” while an engaging theme to craft a story around, is a bit overdone, in my opinion, and was a little too on-the-nose. However, this is all redeemed when we eventually learn that this mysterious “Rosebud” was the name of… drum roll, please… his sled! The movie was about childhood innocence and longing to revisit that good ‘ol youthful whimsy and wonder. This question was expertly teased throughout the film, and it tied it all together so nicely; bravo, Orson Welles! William Wordsworth¹ would be so proud!

Now, there was one thing, in particular, that pushed my buttons, as it copied the genius of the best episodic cartoon of all time: The Simpsons. Citizen Kane basically copied, shot-for-shot, the entire “Citizen Kang” episode of The Simpsons, right down to the title! My initial suspicions were correct! It took me a while to figure it out, but after seeing those Can-can dancers entertaining Kane at dinner, I knew something was up.

As a massive The Simpsons fan, I would hate for Citizen Kane to make money off of blatantly plagiarizing “Citizen Kang,” but given that this film was in the bins at Walmart, I’m not too worried about it. Besides, it was actually a faithful adaptation of the episode, I’d say: really well done!

All in all, don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty in the messy world of cinema. Hidden amongst the Gone with the Wind’s and The Avengers, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Avengers: Infinity War, Avengers: Endgame, and the ones that Marvel currently have in the pipeline are independent filmmakers just trying to make their mark on the film world. Give them a chance, and even consider writing about them! You never know, those movies could end up becoming a household name across the world.

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₁ Oh, you had to visit the footnote? Hah! Well, William Wordsworth, a trailblazer in the Romantic era, privileged childhood over adulthood, and he sought to create art that romanticized that innocence and wonder with the world. Hope this helps!

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